What to do when your older sibling is a narcissist?

Scenario: A rift between brothers

Are you fully aware of your sibling's "Narcissistic" Personality?

When he constantly meddles in your affairs?

When he is sarcastic and haughty?

When he's painting bad picture of you to gain sympathy from your parents and manipulating situations for attention?

When he thinks he can intimidate you because he is older?

When he have this overbearing control over you (a control freak) ever since?

When he’s been doing the same thing to your parents?

When he have an over inflated ego thinking he is better than everyone in your family and lashing out when he didn’t get his way? Either his way or the highway?

When you are always black and blue from his verbal assaults and nags?

Then his attitude got worse as he grew older, he doesn’t respect anybody in your family. He is totally immature and you are starting to get really disgusted and fed-up with him.You suddenly realized that your patience with him is running thin. Unfortunately, it is hard to talk to him now since you let him get away with it for 40 some years. “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks”. It is truly a severe dilemma, a dilemma that is hard to ignore and you have to endure because it is a family matter.

Action: What can you do? Communication was simply not in your vocabulary. When you were young you weren’t strong enough or old enough to argue with him. You tried once, but you couldn't get a single word in. You opted to just absolutely ignore his actions to avoid spats. You wanted peace, so you just kept quiet. Everybody bottles up their emotion at some point, but making a habit of it is not healthy. There is always a limit on everything, including our feelings. It is not a sin to argue and it is not disrespectful to express your emotions. Airing your differences is sometimes needed to put an end to a fight and to avoid future altercation and discord. I know it is easier said than done, but what other option can you do?

The problem is in most cases, it is really impossible to voice out what you truly feel because the other person is totally not open to reason. He is difficult to approach to and you cannot converse with him peacefully at all. Another thing is, if the other person is also self-centered, Mister Know-It-All and hotheaded, it would be impossible to make him hear you out, to admit his own mistakes or to see any sense at all. His reality is he is the boss and everybody is his lowly subordinates. He thinks that he is the Master and that you are subservient to all his wishes and commands.

What you can do is to try to talk things out in order to reach an amicable result. If you still couldn’t see eye to eye after that and the outcome is still unfavorable just try to stop and calm down. At least you conveyed everything to him, that’s the most important thing. Give yourself a break and do not lose sleep over it. Just live one day at a time and hope for a better and peaceful tomorrow. The good thing that came out of it is you expressed and released your emotions, those pent-up emotions are gone, you feel lighter inside. The conclusion might not be satisfactory, but in the end you are a healthier person.

Conclusion: It’s up to him to accept, digest and comprehend what you just uttered. He is an adult, he should start thinking and acting like one. Have you ever wondered what his partner or his kids are experiencing? At this point, it is only natural though unpleasant to think that he is treating them the same way or worse, disregarding their opinions and their feelings.

On a lighter note, here are a few humorous tips:

What he needs – to see a Certified Psychiatrist :-)

What you need – to pay the Psychiatrist to make sure he’s really seeing one :-)

What you both need if the Psychiatrist failed – Pray wholeheartedly for an Epiphany (for him) or a divine intervention :-) A lot better than a fist fight, after all you are family. :-) whether you like it or not.